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• The Jealous Old Man : Start of the One Act Play , One Act Play

The Jealous Old Man, translated by John O'Neill

Start of the One Act Play

Context:

This is the very start of the play.

Sample text

Enter DOÑA LORENZA and CRISTINA, her maid, and ORTIGOSA, her neighbour

LORENZA:

It’s a miracle, Señora Ortigosa, that old misery guts, my jailer, didn’t lock you out. He drives me to despair! This is the first day since I married him that I’ve spoken to anyone outside the house. I’d like to see him dead and the man that married us!

ORTIGOSA:

Come along Doña Lorenza, don’t complain! “You can always exchange an old pot for a new one.”

LORENZA:

It was with proverbs like that that they deceived me. Damn his money! Damn his jewels, his clothes and all his gifts and promises! What use is all that to me if I’m lacking something and if, surrounded by all these riches, I hunger for more?

CRISTINA:

It’s true, auntie. I’d rather go around threadbare and have a young husband, than be married to that disgusting old man who you took for a partner.

LORENZA:

Who I took...?! Actually I was given to him by my father. And I, being a young girl, was more inclined to obey than to argue. But if I had known better I’d rather have bitten off my own tongue than say yes – one little word that leaves you crying for a lifetime! But I suppose it was meant to turn out this way, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

CRISTINA:

Jesus, what a horrible old man! All night long: “Bring me the bedpan! Come and fetch the bedpan! Get up little Cristina and warm me a compress - my side’s hurting! Fetch my herbs - my kidney stones are playing up!” There are more ointments and medicines in his bedroom than in a chemist’s shop. And I, who have only just learnt to dress myself, have to look after him like a nurse. (Imitating his coughing) Phlegmy old thing – all hernias and jealousy! The most jealous man in the world!

LORENZA:

My niece is right.

CRISTINA:

I wish to God I weren’t!

ORTIGOSA:

Well now Señora, if you do as I advise you will see how well things turn out. The young man I have in mind cuts a fine figure. He’s a good lover, discreet and appreciative. And since the jealousy and suspicion of the old man don’t give us much room for manoeuvre we must be determined and courageous. As we have arranged, I will hide the young man in your bedroom. And I’ll get him out again even if the old man has eyes in the back of his head or can see through walls.

LORENZA:

I’m scared. What if I were to get pregnant? I wouldn’t want to put my honour at risk for the sake of a few moments of pleasure.

CRISTINA:

That, auntie, reminds me of a song I heard on the radio:

You made me love you,
I didn’t want to do it,
I didn’t want to do it,
You made me love you …

LORENZA:

Cristina! You sound as if some evil spirit were talking through you!

CRISTINA:

I don’t know who is talking, but I know that I would do everything that Señora Ortigosa says, down to the last detail.

LORENZA:

And what about my honour?

CRISTINA:

And what about enjoying yourself?

LORENZA:

And what if he finds out?

CRISTINA:

And what if he doesn’t find out?

LORENZA:

And what’s going to ensure that he won’t find out?

ORTIGOSA:

Being careful, cunning, industrious and courageous and above all following my plans.

CRISTINA:

Señora Ortigosa, see that you bring her a man who is of good family, self-assured, a little bit daring, and above all young.

ORTIGOSA:

He has all the qualities I have mentioned plus two more, since he is rich and generous.

LORENZA:

I don’t need riches, Señora Ortigosa. I have heaps of jewelry, and so many dresses I never know which to choose. I want for nothing, thanks to Cañizares, bless him. I just wish he wouldn’t nail down the windows, bolt all the doors, and patrol the house at all hours. He even puts out male cats and dogs! I would gladly do without all his presents if only he wouldn’t be so suspicious.

ORTIGOSA:

Is he really that jealous?

LORENZA:

I’ll tell you how jealous he is. The other day he was offered a painting at a good price, but because it was a portrait of a young man he didn’t want it and bought a still life with flowers that was more expensive, even though it wasn’t as nice. Seven doors separate my room from the front door, and all of them are locked. And I haven’t been able to find out where he keeps the keys at night.

CRISTINA:

I think he keeps the master key in his nightshirt, auntie Lorenza.

LORENZA:

Don’t you believe it Cristina - I sleep with him and I have never seen nor felt anything hard in his nightshirt.

CRISTINA:

All night long he wanders around the house like a ghost, and if they play music in the street he throws stones to make them go away. He’s evil, and wicked , and … old! What more can I say?

LORENZA:

Señora Ortigosa you must leave. Don’t let the old devil find you here with me, which would put everything at risk. Do what you have to do at once - I am so desperate I could put a rope around my neck to escape from this wretched life.

ORTIGOSA:

Perhaps what we have planned will remove all those gloomy thoughts and replace them with something healthier and happier.

CRISTINA:

I would give my right arm for it to turn out like that. I love my auntie very much and it pains me to see her so unhappy and in the power of this prehistorically old man.

LORENZA:

If the truth is known he really loves you, Cristina.

CRISTINA:

Does that make him any less old? What’s more, I have heard that old men always like young girls.

ORTIGOSA:

It’s true Cristina. Well goodbye. I’ll come back after lunch. Just follow what we agreed to the letter and you’ll see how well it turns out for us.

CRISTINA:

Señora Ortigosa ... can’t you bring a little imp for me to have fun with?

ORTIGOSA:

I’ll bring you a picture of one.

CRISTINA:

I don’t want a picture. I want the real thing – tiny, like a little pearl.

LORENZA:

And what if your uncle sees him?

CRISTINA:

I’ll tell him that it’s a goblin - he’ll be scared and I’ll have fun!

ORTIGOSA:

Rest assured I’ll bring him. Farewell.

Exit ORTIGOSA

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation The Jealous Old Man by John O'Neill is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

One Act Play

Context:

[Ortigosa goes away; meanwhile Cañizares has a scene with his ‘friend’ during which he reveals how unreasonably jealous he is. Scene change back to the house, and Ortigosa has returned.....]

Sample text

Enter ORTIGOSA, carrying a painting/poster of Rudolf Valentino

ORTIGOSA:

My dear sir, moved and inspired by the good name of your highly respected person, by your great generosity and many charitable works, I have dared to venture to implore your good self to show me similar mercy, generosity, charity and public-spiritedness by buying this painting from me. You see, my son has been imprisoned for certain injuries which he caused to the person of a sheep-shearer, and the court has ordered the surgeon to disclose his costs and I do not have the means to pay him, and he runs the risk that they may impose other sanctions, which could be severe, because my son is very badly behaved, and I wanted to get him out of jail today or tomorrow if it were possible. The craftsmanship is excellent, and the painting is new. However, I will let you have it for what your good sir sees fit to give me. If I make a loss it won’t be the first time. Please take hold of that end Señora and let us unroll it, so that Señor Cañizares can see that I am not deceiving him. Hold it up Señora and see how lovely it is when unrolled. The painted figures appear to be alive!

When the wall-hanging is held up for inspection a young nobleman enters behind it. CAÑIZARES speaks as he inspects the portraits

CAÑIZARES:

Oh what a handsome Valentino! And what might you want sir, coming into my house with your little disguise? It’s an outrage!

CRISTINA:

I don’t know anything about disguises, uncle, and if he has entered the house Señora Ortigosa is to blame. I swear I haven’t done or said anything to let him in.

CAÑIZARES:

My dear niece, I can already see that Señora Ortigosa is to blame, which should come as no surprise, since she does not know what sort of person I am, nor how much I dislike this type of picture.

LORENZA:

He is only talking about the pictures, Cristina, and nothing else.

CRISTINA:

Well that’s all I was talking about. (Aside to audience) Thank God, I can feel the strength flowing back into my body. It had quite drained out of me.

LORENZA:

(Aside to CRISTINA.)Why can’t you hold your tongue? (Aside to audience) Never work with children or animals!

CRISTINA: (Aside.)

Oh dear! I could have put the whole scheme at risk.

CAÑIZARES:

Señora Ortigosa, I do not like figures in disguise, nor any kind of dissimulation. Take this money, with which you can resolve your difficulty, and leave my house as soon as possible, which means now. And take your picture with you.

ORTIGOSA:

May you live to a ripe old age, sir. Doña ... I do not believe I know your name, I am at your service day and night, body and soul … and speaking of souls yours must be as pure as a dove.

CAÑIZARES:

Señora Ortigosa, hurry up and leave, and don’t go judging other people’s souls.

ORTIGOSA:

If Madam were needing a … for ‘mother’s little problem’, I have some which work miracles, and if you need anything for toothache I have a remedy that removes the pain effortlessly!

CAÑIZARES:

That will be all Señora Ortigosa. Doña Lorenza does not have any problems nor does she have toothache. All her teeth are healthy and sound. She has never had any removed.

ORTIGOSA:

She will lose them in time, heaven willing, because God will grant her a long life, and old age brings complete destruction to the teeth.

CAÑIZARES:

God save me! Will this neighbour never leave? Ortigosa! She-devil! Neighbour! Whatever you are! Go with God and leave me in peace.

ORTIGOSA:

It’s a fair request. Do not be angry. I am on my way.

Exit ORTIGOSA

CAÑIZARES:

Neighbours, neighbours! Even their pleasantries make me cringe!

LORENZA:

You’re barbaric! What has this neighbour done to deserve your ill-will? Even your good deeds are tainted. You give her money and then insult her. You’re about as hospitable as a wolf, and everything you say has a sting in the tail. How did you manage to store up so much spitefulness?

CAÑIZARES:

This is going to turn out badly. Why are you so keen to take your neighbour‘s side?

CRISTINA:

Auntie, go in there and calm down and leave uncle alone - he seems to be angry.

LORENZA:

I will, Cristina. It may be hours before he sees me again. I swear I’ll be revenged on him, whether he likes it or not.

Exit DOÑA LORENZA

CRISTINA:

Uncle, did you see how she slammed the door? I think she’s gone to look for a piece of wood to bar it!

DOÑA LORENZA, from within

LORENZA:

Cristina, Cristina!

CRISTINA:

What do you want auntie?

LORENZA:

If you could only see the man that my good fortune has brought me! Young, well-proportioned, with black hair and a mouth that smells of orange blossom.

CRISTINA:

Heaven’s above! What madness is this? Have you lost your wits auntie?

LORENZA:

On the contrary I am completely sane. I swear the sight of him would gladden your soul.

CRISTINA:

Goodness me! How silly! You should tell her off, uncle, for telling fibs, even if she is just pulling your leg.

CAÑIZARES:

Are you playing the fool Lorenza? To tell you the truth I’m not in the mood for jokes.

LORENZA:

I’m not joking, It’s true, true. Oh, so true! I can’t imagine anything truer.

CRISTINA:

Heavens! Has she taken leave of her senses! Tell me auntie, is my little imp in there too?

LORENZA:

No Cristina. But he will come another time if our neighbour Señora Ortigosa wishes.

CAÑIZARES:

Say what you want Lorenza, but don’t mention the word neighbour. It makes my flesh tingle.

LORENZA:

My flesh is also tingling because of our neighbour.

CRISTINA:

Gracious me! What foolishness is this!

LORENZA:

Now I see you for what you are you wretched old fool. I did not know what I was missing until now.

CRISTINA:

Tell her off uncle! She’s behaving shamelessly.

LORENZA:

I would like to wash my lover’s smooth chin with a bowl full of rose water, because he has such a heavenly face!

CRISTINA:

God, how childish! Beat her, uncle!

CAÑIZARES:

I won’t beat her, but I will beat down the door that’s hiding her!

LORENZA:

There is no need. See, it’s open. Come in and you will see that what I told you is true.

CAÑIZARES:

I will go in just to get you to calm down, even though I know it’s just a joke of course.

As CAÑIZARES goes in they throw a bowl of water in his face. He starts to clean himself, attended by CRISTINA and DOÑA LORENZA, and meanwhile the young man leaves

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation The Jealous Old Man by John O'Neill is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Entry written by Kathleen Jeffs. Last updated on 4 October 2010.

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