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• The Raw, the Cooked and the Rotten : Act One

The Raw, the Cooked and the Rotten, translated by Catherine Boyle

Act One

Context:

This is the moment the much anticipated Estanislao Ossa Moya appears.

Sample text

A drunken singing is heard, a body falling, dragging along the floor, moaning, someone banging off the walls as he goes along.

EFRAIN:

At last.

They all run to wait for him. The sound of a door slamming is heard and all of a sudden Ossa Moya enters, big, deformed, with a red face, bruised, imposing, dressed like a drunken beggar, beard, wasting away, gigantic and decrepit, moving as if he were talking to an imaginary crowd. The waiters and the cashier act as if they were receiving a great gentleman, they greet him with reverence, they try to take his overcoat, they put a chair out for him. Efraín hesitates at first, as does Evaristo but, on a sign from Elias they decide not to lose their composure adn to wait on him like a great gentleman with his following of guests.’

The waiters go to all the tables, supposedly full of customers, saying, ‘it’s the senator’, ‘the famous orator’, ‘the most magnificent politician’, ‘the leader of the nation’, ‘what a figure he cuts’, etc. They move around in an agitated ballet of leaving and entering, bring trays supposedly full, waiting on imaginary customers as the old drunkard walks along them, spitting saliva all over the place, falling against people and things

.

OSSA M:

Open the trunks, uncork the bottles ... Good day my beloved homeland ... noble and generous ... and all that shite ... let the wine run free ... the old tiger from the Senate has arrived ... poet and drunken bum ... my dear people ... the whole party ... correlipigion ... no ... coreligion ... coreligionaries ... dear corre ... pinarpirios ... ha, ha, ha ... it means something like Chileans of my heart ... citizens, citizens ... how are you, don Felipe Bustamente? Ah! Dona Ines de Valenzuela ... Dona Marta Oliva ... when we will play another game … no, no, don’t worry it was only a joke ... Long live the candidate who will defend the country ... the candidate of decency and respect ... Long live the candidate you have here before you ... clap, shitfaces ... it’s so good to see you ...

ELIAS:

Come this way ...

EVARISTO:

May I take your overcoat?

OSSA M:

Get lost, thieving rat ... leave my coat alone ... the bastard wanted my coat ... don’t pester me, eh?

ELIANA:

Good evening, Senator.

OSSA M:

Senator? What Senator? President, if you don’t mind, madam ... flags ... applause. (ELIAS makes a sign and they all clap briefly) serve up the banquet .. the leader has a ginormous appetite.

EVARISTO: (Coming in with an imaginary tray, then he leaves again.)

Aspic de fois gras en belle vue.

OSSA M:

Marvellous ... just look at the women who have come ... each one better than the next ... just look at them all ... who’s that idiot that’s looking at me ... Long live the president!

EFRAIN: (Coming in in a bad mood and with a pretend tray.)

Game stew. (Exit.)

OSSA M:

Keep it coming ... this is the way the party likes to eat ... A party that eats well deserves to be elected ... this is not a country for the starving ... someone write that piece of nonsense down on a banner ... this is a campaign. (As he talks, Evaristo and Efrain enter and exit with imaginary dishes.)

EVARISTO:

Poulet au marechale.

EFRAIN:

Jambon a la chilienne.

EVARISTO:

Punch a la romaine.

EFRAIN:

Agneau roti.

EVARISTO:

Salade nisse.

EFRAIN:

Bombe Chantilly.

OSSA M:

And this little delicacy? (Talking about Elianas.) Who is she? Aren’t you going to present her to me? ... this little dessert ... and then we’ll get this shitty country back on its feet again ... with our money ... with facts ... there will be no havering.

EVARISTO:

Gateau Flamand.

EFRAIN:

Savarin.

ELIAS:

Fruits y Cafe Noir ...

ELIANA:

Let the Senator speak!

All:

Yes, speech! Speech! (Applause.)

OSSA M:

Someone’s got to introduce me ... come on, dona Olga Matte, you do it, introduce me.

ELIANA: (On a sign from ELIAS, ELIANA plays her part mechanically, Evaristo tries to smile but is more and more perplexed, only ELIAS is in control of the scene.)

Well, I, on behalf of all here present ... would like to interpret the secret wish of this secret gathering by asking our guest of honour ... don Estanislao Ossa Moya ... to speak.

OSSA M:

The candidate for decency, my darling. (He grabs hold of her backside.)

ELIANA:

The candidate for decency and respect.

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation The Raw, the Cooked and the Rotten by Catherine Boyle is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Entry written by Gwendolen Mackeith. Last updated on 28 March 2012.

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