Out of the Wings

Las aeróbicas (Delirio otoñal) (2006-2007), Maxi Rodríguez

Exercises for the Elderly : SCENE TWO excerpt 1 , SCENE TWO excerpt 2 , SCENE FIVE , SCENE EIGHT

Exercises for the Elderly, translated by Gwynneth Dowling

SCENE TWO excerpt 1

Context:

This excerpt is set in the old people's home. Mariví is trying to convince Margarita to join her in the fight to escape the home. Previously, Margarita tried to escape/commit suicide by leaving on an exercise bike through a high window.

Sample text

MARIVÍ:: Now, seriously, shall I tell you the plan?
MARGARITA:: Huh, as if getting out of here were that easy.
MARIVÍ:: Easypeasy! Your plan was awful! Flying on a bicycle, three floors up, a lever ... it’s amazing to believe that ...
MARGARITA:: Yes, as you see, it’s a miracle I’m here. Amazing.
MARIVÍ:: But why give up now? We’ve got to fight! That’s what we've got to do. Don’t you understand? We've got to let them know that we're alive and well and that it’s them – our families who we love so much – who bully us and make us ill!
MARGARITA:: Oh do stop this nonsense talk, Mariví! Stop talking nonsense!
MARIVÍ:: You know I’m right. You said it yourself when you first arrived.
MARGARITA:: I was wrong. It was the medication, I don’t know. Everything was happening so quickly ... and anyway, my children ...
MARIVÍ:: Are we on to that old chestnut again? Has that fall affected your brain?
MARGARITA:: Mariví, please.
MARIVÍ:: Your children are simply wonderful – is that it now?
MARGARITA:: Yes, deep down ... they love me.
MARIVÍ:: They’ve dumped you, like mine. Just the same.
MARGARITA:: They haven’t dumped me, that’s not true.
MARIVÍ: (Sardonically.): No, a dump is what they’ve taken on you ...
MARGARITA:: They gave me a ride here.
MARIVÍ: (Cynically.): Why! Such consideration ...
MARGARITA:: They do love me!
MARIVÍ:: Well, where are they then? Where are they?
MARGARITA:: What does that matter? They love me very much, even if they don’t come to see me very often.
MARIVÍ:: They don’t come.
MARGARITA:: What do you mean? Haven’t you seen them?
MARIVÍ: (Nastily.): Oh! Was it that lot who got your things out of the car, graced you with twenty minutes of their presence and left a bunch of flowers? Lovely folk ... (Bluntly.) Look, your children are ...
MARGARITA:: Are what? They just don’t come anymore because they're busy.
MARIVÍ:: As far as they’re concerned, you don’t exist. Don’t you understand that?
MARGARITA:: They live in a different town! They don’t have the time!
MARIVÍ:: Yes, nor the time to think about you, like mine. And what do we do to refresh their memory? Do we fly out windows on bicycles?; Visibly upset, MARGARITA breaks down in tears
MARGARITA:: They just ... just ... don’t have the time, but I know they think about me just as much as I think about them.

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation Exercises for the Elderly by Gwynneth Dowling is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

SCENE TWO excerpt 2

Context:

In this excerpt Mari Paz joins the two other elderly women. Mari Paz is quite naive. She is prone to suggestion. Here, she brings Margarita press cuttings about the latter's attempt to escape on an exercise bike through the window.

Sample text

MARI PAZ: (Takes out a few pieces of paper.)

I thought I’d bring them. In case you haven't read the papers recently.

MARGARITA:

Let me see. (She reads.) ‘E.T.: The Elder Terrestrial’, ‘Galaxy Granny!’

MARGARITA:

Is that cartoon supposed to be me?

MARI PAZ:

Oh yes! They’re comparing you to that little Martian who flew across the moon on his bicycle. (Impersonating.) ‘EeeeeeTeeeee Phoooone Hoooome’.

MARIVÍ: (Reads.)

‘... She aimed for the moon but only reached the stars – landing on the windscreen of a Ford Galaxy parked right below the gym. Miraculously, to the amazement of everyone, both granny and Galaxy were unhurt, although there are concerns for the woman’s mental health ...

MARI PAZ:

Don’t they put it well, my dear? Really well written.

MARIVÍ:

The devils, they’re going to find out what’s what ...

MARI PAZ:

What’s going on? Is something wrong?

MARIVÍ:

Nothing, apart from the fact that we're starting a war.

MARI PAZ: (Confused.)

A war? What, here? (She studies the press cuttings) No, this is about ... er ... Irach and ... Afghan-ist ... er, see?

MARGARITA:

Us, Mariví is talking about us.

MARI PAZ:

You two?

MARIVÍ:

Yes, we're at war. Can’t you see?

MARI PAZ:

You? (Pause.) Em ... (Pause.) Against who, dear?

MARIVÍ:

The family.

MARI PAZ:

Oh. (Pause.) And which family is that?

MARIVÍ:

All of them! Each and every one!

MARI PAZ:

Bloody hell!

MARIVÍ:

And what’s more, we’re at war against the System! And Society!

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation Exercises for the Elderly by Gwynneth Dowling is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

SCENE FIVE

Context:

The three women have escaped the old people’s home and are now embarking on their ‘war’. They arrive at a shopping mall in an effort to recruit other elderly people to their cause.

Sample text

‘Battlefields’ shopping mall. In the middle of an aisle, three septuagenarians, armed with a stack of pieces of paper, they whisper amongst themselves. Suddenly, Mari Paz raises her voice.

MARI PAZ:: Good afternoon everybody, we come to start a war and ...!
MARIVÍ:: Shhhh, please! Move out! Spread out! Above all else, remember the sort of hostages you’re looking to free.
MARGARITA:: I’m going this way.
MARI PAZ:: Me – Left, right! Left, right!
MARIVÍ:: Short of breath? Raised heartbeat? Permanently tired and down? No energy? Any accidental falls after sudden dizzy spells? Aha! And you’re feeling guilty and upset because you’re failing in your daily tasks, isn’t that it? Well, Madam, you’re one of us, another Senior Slave! Do something for me – put down that kiwifruit and shout along with me ‘Noooooooooo!’
OFF:: Sorry? Is this for television?
MARI PAZ:: What do you mean no? You’re denying it? You’re denying you’re a slave? Well, of course you do. (She consults her papers.) Shame, or an excessive sense of duty, means we deny we are the slaves of our children. Of course we do! But no, Madam, cut the apron strings and repeat after me, ‘Noooooooooooooo!’
OFF:: Do stop shouting, I’m not going to buy.
MARGARITA:: Listen, we’ve been taught to say ‘yes’ to anything they throw at us, we never dared to answer back to our parents and now we dare not answer back to our children – even though they take advantage of us. Look, stop fussing over the perfume and read my lips, ‘Nooooo!’
OFF:: You’re absolutely right, that’s why I never married!

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation Exercises for the Elderly by Gwynneth Dowling is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

SCENE EIGHT

Context:

The three women are using Mariví’s old house as a base. Mariví’s daughter and son-in-law now live in her house but they are currently on holiday. The women have already enjoyed some of the son-in-law’s cocaine. In this excerpt they fear that the son-in-law has returned. It turns out to be Franki, the aerobics instructor from the gym. The women accidentally knock him out. Not wishing for their identities to be revealed, they decide to disguise themselves.

Sample text

MARIVÍ:

We’ve go to tie him up. We still don’t know what his intentions are and we can’t let our guard down. Quick, find something to tie him with. Here, cut this clothes-line. He can be our prisoner of war!

MARI PAZ:

Oh! That’s splendid!

MARIVÍ:

And another crucial thing – we can’t let him see us!

MARI PAZ:

Bloody hell!

MARIVÍ:

He might identify us, understand?

MARGARITA:

Yes, yes, but where will we find ...

MARIVÍ:

You … look among the kids’ toys.

MARGARITA:

I have already, there’s nothing that will do. Unless we put on sunglasses and scarves ...

MARIVÍ:

He’s moving. What’ll we do?

MARI PAZ:

Put these on. Quick! They were in the drawer on the bedside table. (Laughs.) My dear, what a family you have! They must have some fun!

MARIVÍ: (Whispers.)

She hands out the latest sex-shop fashions – luminous masks with rubber penises on top. The other two, stunned, put them on as fast as possible, then they tie up the prisoner with the clothes-line and gag him.

What on earth are these?

MARGARITA:

I don’t know. Perhaps a little parting gift from a lover? (They look at her.) Just a suggestion.

MARIVÍ:

These cannot be what I think they are, Mari Paz.

MARGARITA:

Oh yes, dear. They’re willies, what do you make of that! Anything goes, nowadays.

[....]

MARIVÍ: (Sounding like she’s speaking from beyond the grave.)

MARIVÍ turns out the light. The image of the three septuagenarians kneeling in front of Franki is like a spectral candlelight vigil. Oh yes, one more detail, the rubber penises flash on and off in the dark.

Fraaaaanki! Fraaaaanki! You’ve been a baaaaad boy!

The eyes of the gagged man open wider and wider.

Copyright