• Overview
• Staging information
• Translations
• Sample translations
• Production history

• The Divorce Court Judge : Extract from pp.13-14 of Dawn Smith’s translation
• The Divorce Court Judge : Divorce Mayer 1 , Divorce Mayer 2

The Divorce Court Judge (1996), translated by Dawn Smith

Extract from pp.13-14 of Dawn Smith’s translation

Edition

Cervantes, Miguel de. 1996. ‘The Divorce Court Judge’. In Eight Interludes, trans. Dawn Smith, pp. 7-20. London, Everyman

pp. 13-14

Context:

A series of couples come to see the judge seeking divorce. This is the opening of the play.

Further information:

Used by permission of Dawn Smith and JM Dent, a division of the Orion Publishing Group, London.

Sample text

The JUDGE enters with the NOTARY and the ATTORNEY. He takes his seat. Enter an OLD MAN and his wife, MARIANA.

MARIANA:

At last the divorce judge has taken his place in court! Enough of this shilly-shallying. This time I must be set free – free as a bird!

OLD MAN:

For pity's sake, Mariana, there's no need to bellow from the rooftops. Speak more softly. God's wounds, you're deafening the neighbours with your shouting. The judge is right there, so just lower your voice and tell him what's wrong.

JUDGE:

Well, good people, what's your quarrel?

MARIANA:

Divorce, divorce, divorce. A thousand times divorce!

JUDGE:

Who from, Madam? On what grounds?

MARIANA:

Who from? From this old crock here.

JUDGE:

On what grounds?

MARIANA:

I can't abide his peevish demands any longer. I refuse to look after his countless ailments all the time. My parents didn't bring me up to be a nurse and handmaid. A very good dowry I brought this old bag of bones who's consuming my life. When he first got his hands on me, my face was as bright and polished as a mirror, and now it's as crumpled as a widow's veil. Please your Honour, unmarry me or I'll hang myself. Just look at the furrows I've got from the tears I shed every day that I'm married to this walking skeleton.

JUDGE:

Cry no more, Madam. Cease your bawling and dry your tears. I'll see that justice is done.

MARIANA:

Let me cry, your Honour. It's such a comfort. In well ordered societies a marriage should be reviewed every three years, and dissolved or renewed like a rental agreement. It shouldn't have to last a lifetime and bring everlasting misery to both parties.

JUDGE:

If that policy were practical, desirable, or financially profitable, it would already be law. But, Madam, you must be specific about your reasons for seeking a divorce.

MARIANA:

For one thing, my husband is in the winter of life, while I'm in the spring of youth. For another, I lose my sleep getting up in the middle of the night to put hot cloths and poultices on his belly; then I have to fetch him one bandage after another – what I'd give to see him condemned to be bandaged to a post! I have to prop up his pillows at night and bring him cough syrup for the congestion in his lungs. What's more, I have to put up with the stench of his breath – it stinks to high heaven.

NOTARY:

He must have a rotten tooth in there.

OLD MAN:

That can't be. The devil knows I don't have a tooth in my head!

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation The Divorce Court Judge (1996) by Dawn Smith is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

The Divorce Court Judge (2011), translated by Oliver Mayer

Divorce Mayer 1

Edition

Cervantes, Miguel de. 2011. ‘The Divorce Court Judge’, trans. Oliver Mayer. The Mercurian: A Theatrical Translation Review, 3, 2

Context:

This excerpt starts as the case of the Soldier versus Dona Guiomar begins. Please note that Mayer's Judge here is female, strongly in the manner of the American television personality ‘Judge Judy’.

Further information:

NOTE FROM THE TRANSLATOR: The translation is highly contemporary, and unapologetically in American (even West Coast) English. The idea is to not get bogged down with overly historical references, and rather to let the stories and themes of the plays move as quickly and dramatically as possible. The plays happen NOW, so the translation when possible modernizes props and historical events. However, the feel of the original Cervantes plays -- their sense of humor, of irony, and the overarching wisdom of the author's observations of male and female behavior -- is intended to be as pure as possible. Also, these plays are translated in order to be acted by and produced for young adults; so references to sex and violence, not to mention the occasional cheap laugh, are highly intentional. (Oliver Mayer)

Sample text

Enter a uniformed SOLDIER, and his wife LADY GUIOMAR..

LADY GUIOMAR:

God blesses me, granting my wish to

come before your exalted presence,

Your Honor, so that I can beg you in

the extreme to please unmarry me from

this – this – eh!

JUDGE:

What do you mean, ‘this?’ Doesn’t he

have a name? The least you can do is call

him ‘this man’.

LADY GUIOMAR:

If he were a man, I wouldn’t want a divorce.

JUDGE:

Then what is he?

LADY GUIOMAR:

A bump on a log.

SOLDIER:

My God, I’d have to be a log to suffer

like this in silence!

(Confidentially to GEEZER.)

But maybe if I don’t defend myself or

contradict this woman, the Judge

will be inclined to condemn me, and,

thinking she’s punishing me she’ll actually

save me from this captivity, freeing me

from the Abu Ghraib of this marriage.

PROSECUTOR:

Ma’am, please speak more civilly, and

relate your business without insulting

your husband. Know that the Divorce

Court Judge is here to see that justice

is served evenly.

LADY GUIOMAR:

Then your Honors don’t want me to call

him a drugstore mannequin with no more life in

him than a bump on a log?

MARIANA: (From the crowd.)

Hey Lady. We got the same problem!

LADY GUIOMAR:

The short and tall of it is, Ma’am, that I

married this man – since that’s what Your

Honor wants me to call him – but this?

(Looks him up and down.)

This is not the man I married.

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation The Divorce Court Judge (2011) by Oliver Mayer is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Divorce Mayer 2

Edition

Cervantes, Miguel de. 2011. ‘The Divorce Court Judge’, trans. Oliver Mayer. The Mercurian: A Theatrical Translation Review, 3, 2

Context:

This excerpt is taken from when the Judge hears from Aldonza and the Acupuncturist, towards the end of the play. Please note that the 'Acupuncturist' is a character of Mayer's invention in his translation, and that his Judge here is female, strongly in the manner of the American television personality ‘Judge Judy’ (see the note from the translator).

Further information:

NOTE FROM THE TRANSLATOR: The translation is highly contemporary, and unapologetically in American (even West Coast) English. The idea is to not get bogged down with overly historical references, and rather to let the stories and themes of the plays move as quickly and dramatically as possible. The plays happen NOW, so the translation when possible modernizes props and historical events. However, the feel of the original Cervantes plays -- their sense of humor, of irony, and the overarching wisdom of the author's observations of male and female behavior -- is intended to be as pure as possible. Also, these plays are translated in order to be acted by and produced for young adults; so references to sex and violence, not to mention the occasional cheap laugh, are highly intentional. (Oliver Mayer)

Sample text

CLERK:

Order in the court! Here come more claimants.

Enter an ACUPUNCTURIST, and his wife ALDONZA.

BAILIFF:

All parties in the manner of …Ah forget it.

ACUPUNCTURIST:

On four very excellent counts, I come to beg

Your Honor to divorce me from my wife here, Aldonza!

JUDGE:

Do you now? Four counts, huh?

ACUPUNCURIST:

First, I’d rather look at the devils in hell than

see her face. Second, for a reason only she knows.

Third, for something I’d rather keep silent about.

Fourth, because not even the Devil will take my

soul, if I have to remain in her company till

Death do us part!

PROSECUTOR:

Now that’s what I call an opening statement!

ALDONZA:

Your Honor! Madam Judge! I beseech you

to listen and consider that, if my husband

has four causes to apply for divorce, then I

can list four hundred! First, because every

time I look at his face, I think I’m looking

at the Devil himself; Second, because he

deceived me when he married me, because

he told me he was a doctor –

PROSECUTOR:

I’m an acupuncturist –

ALDONZA:

A real doctor! Not some guy who sticks

needles into people and prescribes tea!

He’s not a real doctor and he sure doesn’t

get paid like one! Third, because he’s

jealous of the sun when I try to get a tan;

Fourth, because I can’t stand the sight of

him, I want to put two million miles between us!

CLERK:

How the hell can these two clocks keep time

when they are both cuckoo?

ALDONZA:

Fifth, –

JUDGE:

Lady, Lady, if you think you’re going to present

all four hundred counts, I’m not going to be here

when you do it. None of us have the time!

Your case will be taken under advisement.

So go with God. There’s other business to

officiate.

ACUPUNCTURIST:

How many more reasons can we give,

Besides that I don’t want to die with her,

and she doesn’t want to live with me?

JUDGE:

If that was all you needed to settle a divorce,

untold millions would be shaking off the yoke

of matrimony.

Copyright

The above sample taken from the translation The Divorce Court Judge (2011) by Oliver Mayer is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Entry written by Kathleen Jeffs. Last updated on 24 February 2011.

Post a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment. Please log in or sign up for a free account.